Have you ever crossed your partner’s physical, emotional, or sexual boundaries? Do you always want to keep track of what the person you are interested in is doing, who they are meeting or talking to, because you feel jealous or are scared that your partner is going to break up with you? Are you wondering whether your behaviour is okay, or are you worried that you could hurt the person you are with? It is never okay to expose someone to violence and it is often a crime. Support and help is available if your jealousy and your violent behaviour affect others.
There are different types of violence, such as:
Physical violence can be restraining someone, pushing, hitting, kicking, or choking. Physical violence often comes to mind when talking about violence.
Psychological violence can be offensive or mean comments, threats, or constantly demanding to know where someone is and with whom. It may also mean threatening to hurt someone by being controlling, accusatory, or aggressive.
Sexual violence is doing something sexual against someone’s will, for example touching their body in a way they do not want to be touched or badger someone into having sex. Sex must always be voluntary. If not, it is assault and a crime. Sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape are examples of sexual violence.
Digital violence can be constantly texting or calling to keep track of where a partner is and who the partner is spending time with, setting limits on who the partner can be friends with on social media or otherwise using the internet to abuse or threaten.
It is never okay to expose someone to violence and it is often a crime. Support and help is available if your jealousy and your violent behaviour affect others.
Have you crossed your partner’s boundaries
Have you crossed your partner’s boundaries and exposed them to violence? For example…
- I have done things to or with someone’s body that hurts or is uncomfortable, for example restrained, pushed, thrown something, hit, or choked.
- I have done sexual things to someone that I have not been sure they wanted, for example forced myself on them with my lips, tongue, fingers, or my genitals, secretly videotaped us having sex, or taken advantage of them being asleep or drunk/under the influence.
- I have crossed someone’s boundaries digitally; for example secretly checked their phone, tablet, or computer, logged in to personal accounts, disseminated photos or information without permission or forced them to give me their passwords.
- The person I am with sometimes gets scared of me.
- I often get jealous and usually tell the person I am with what clothes or makeup I want them to wear and which friends are okay for them to hang out with.
- I have pressured the person I am with into doing things they did not want to do.
- I have threatened to harm myself or the person I am with.
- I have threatened to harm someone close to the person I am with, for example a family member or a pet.
- I am often aggressive towards the person I am with, for example flare up, raise my voice, yell, destroy things, or become physically threatening.
- I feel that I often get a little too angry and fight a lot with the person I am with.
- I control and limit my partner’s life and social life.
Do you want help managing your jealousy or violence that is hurting someone else? Then you probably already know that your behaviour is not okay. Perhaps you feel anxiety, concern, disappointment, or are ashamed of your actions. Hopefully, you want to stop hurting someone else. If you are worried that you are abusing someone, want help changing a controlling or violent behaviour, or want support in processing thoughts and feelings, help is available.